Adventures at the Israeli Consulate: Part I

CONSULATE: So, you would like to get an Israeli passport. Why?

ME: We're making aliyah, but because my parents are Israeli citizens I was told that I would have to go with an Israeli passport.

CONSULATE: What is your Israeli ID number?

ME: I don't have one. That's why I'm here.

CONSULATE: May I have your mother's Israeli ID number?

ME: (giving it to her) My mother has had this number memorized for 48 years. It was her personal ID number when she was in the Israeli army. Also, here is her Israeli passport.

CONSULATE: This number is only six digits. An Israeli ID number is always 9 digits. And this passport doesn't even register on our computer. It is too old.

ME: (thinking wildly) Well, Israel was only a year old when my mother immigrated. Perhaps that is why the number is so small. There are more people now.

CONSULATE: I'm sorry, I cannot help you.

ME: Wait! If I give you her name can you look it up on the computer? Her maiden name is Sarah Szczupakiewicz.

CONSULATE: Is Szczupakiewicz spelled with an "aleph"? What is her birthday?

(Lots of typing, hemming, sighing)

CONSULATE: It says here that there was a Sarah Szczupakiewicz in Haifa.

ME: Yes! That's her! She lived in Haifa.

CONSULATE: We still can't be sure we have the right person. You will have to clarify her citizenship. It could take months.

ME: (Thinking: How many Sarah Szczupakiewicz's could there be?) But we're leaving in September!

CONSULATE: Sorry. NEXT!