Adventures at the Israeli Consulate: Part III: The Land of Bizarro Revisited

ME: Hello, again.

CONSULATE: All right, so what we are going to do is, we will try to issue you an Israeli passport. However, because the state of Israel does not recognize your marital status we will have to issue it under your maiden name. When you get to Israel you will visit the Ministry on the Interior (Misrad HaPnim). Over there you will apply to have your name changed to your married name, and you will then be issued a new passport along with your Israeli ID number.

ME: And what is my maiden name?

CONSULATE: (shrugging) It is Phillips, no?

ME: But you told me last week that my maiden name would have to be Peillips. Remember my birth certificate? The "H" that looks like an "E"?

CONSULATE: (recognition dawning on her face) Oh, yes..... That's correct. The name will read "Linda Peillips". Okay, so you will have it changed anyways, when you get to Israel.

ME: Won't it be a problem that my marriage certificate names me as Linda Phillips?

CONSULATE: That is not the point. The point is that, for the sake of accuracy, we have to spell your name as it is spelled on your birth certificate. I tell you this as a friend. (Tip to myself: Remember that later.) I do not want for you to have any problems with your paperwork when you arrive in Israel.

ME: (Thinking, Are we even having the same conversation? Has she been on her bluetooth this entire time speaking to somebody else?) So let me get this straight: Once I arrive in Israel my name will be Linda Peillips. If anybody asks my name, I am to say that I am Linda Peillips, daughter of Claude Phillips, son of Lewis Fulep, traveling with my husband and children, the Sochers. That is what I will say when I am asked for my ID at the airport. And that won't cause any problems. It won't look suspicious?

CONSULATE: Exactly.

ME: (sorely feeling that bite in the butt which I mentioned earlier) Whatever.

A little aggravation is a small price to pay in order to live in the beautiful country which Hashem has given us, which He wants us to live in, right? He just doesn't want to make it any easier for us than He did for, say, Moses.

So when I arrive in Israel as an "Oleh Chadash" (B"H) I will be a new person. In every sense of the word. And if you happen to see me at the airport, please don't call call out my name. Better yet, just wave.